I can remember the first time I went out with him. He was different from all the rest. He didn't hold my interest by being "cool" or "a little rough" and he didn't impress me with meaningless gifts and empty words. He got me because he was different. He was nice and kind and he wanted something to do with a girl that just had a baby boy and an 8 year old little girl. Can this even be real? The first time he called me we talked for probably 3 hours and it just felt good. I hadn't been treated this way...ever! I always thought I knew the kind of guy I wanted to marry but this guy wasn't any of those things. He didn't have tattoos or facial hair, he didn't have a car that had bass and sat low to the ground or a motorcycle that said Harley Davidson down the side. He didn't disrespect me or my family and my needs came before his. I had to keep this one.....and I did. January 13th, 2007 I took his last name.
I wish I could say from that day on it's been bliss and happiness but I can't. We've had our fair share of break ups and misunderstandings. We've said things to each other that only God can erase from our minds. On more than one occasion we've both talked about how we think we would better for someone else besides each other and almost came to an agreement that it's going to be that way and we'd be ok with that. We've hated hard but our love always came through much harder. I use to read or see about other people's marriage and wish mine could be that way. I want the perfect husband. I want that lifestyle. I want what they have. For so long I felt like I was just wishing like everybody else to have the perfect marriage like I seen so many have.
I've recently been getting blog posts from Proverbs 31 Ministries and it is changing my perspective on marriage and what's ideal. I'm learning more and more that nobody has the perfect marriage and that's ok! I could list, and I know Shawn could also, a page a mile long on what we don't like about each other or what we wish we could change but the one thing that I know we both feel for each other is the ability to never give up on each other no matter how bad it gets.
We took divorce off the table....period. It's not an option ever. Although there could have potentially been "better spouses" for us we have each other and we're going to work toward making ourselves the best spouse to each other.. Instead of meditating on what went wrong or what he said wrong or what he did wrong, I think on the good things about him. How for no apparent reason he will sit beside me, put my feet on his lap and rub my legs and feet without me even asking or hinting about it AND without any expectations for him afterwards. He tells me enough times that it never gets old how sexy I am or how beautiful and amazing I am. He prays with our son (whom he didn't have to accept but did) and secretly tells me how he loves Shaylee and wants a good relationship with her (it's a working progress but I know it's coming). He loves to spend time with me and take me places just to see my smile or hear me laugh. He helps around the house without me asking him to...most of the time lol, and he is faithful and committed to me and for that I consider myself pretty lucky.
We still have our moments and sometimes I wonder if I can handle anymore but I know God is the center of Shawn and I and with Him we can work through anything. I'm realizing more and more every single day how I can better the marriage and contribute to making him happy and making him feel secure, loved and needed. Marriage is work. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. If you're not working at you marriage, it's already failing. I made a vow on January 13th, 2007 to always love and support and encourage Shawn and I will until my last breath. There are so many things about him that any girl would want in her life and I'm lucky enough to call him mine. All the other stuff, "human stuff", well it's just stuff that we have to work through and I wouldn't want anyone else to help me through my stuff than him and I know he'd say the same thing about me.
I love you Peffley! You've made me crazier than anyone ever has, you take me to levels of mad I've never been, but I wouldn't want anyone else to see me through all that crazy than you. You've stuck with me through all my moments and mishaps and never have given up on us and I'm so thankful for that. Your hunger for God is unmistakable. You're moldable for Jesus and that's so impressive to me. You're so sweet and attentive to my needs no matter what they are.
You're a good man Shawn Lee and your all mine.
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