Here's the truth...

With so much buzz going on around town and people texting and calling me asking questions I feel it's only right to "air my dirty laundry" and tell people what's going on, my husband deserves that...

Two years ago my husband Shawn had back surgery. We thought one surgery would do it but he had three over a two year period. During that time he was given pain meds that helped immensely in his recovery. I won't go into a long story about the journey that we've been on but to sum things up he became addicted to the pain meds. What use to help with the pain became what he used to escape reality and numb every emotion. Shawn and I have been down a road I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Through it all I've trusted in God and His love for both Shawn and I and I was promised from the Lord that August 23rd would come. I didn't know it would be that exact date but I knew it was coming. Shawn surrendered his addiction to God and he's now in a recovery center for the next year.

Our finances were drained. Our marriage was almost dissolved (not because I was walking away but because Shawn was so tormented that he just wanted to run). Our kids have been exposed to things I'd never want anyone to go through. Never were they in any harm but they have been emotionally affected by this. Our entire family has. But there is such a great story unfolding because of this...

Shawn's family and I have never, and I mean never, had a relationship before this and now we chat often and we spend weekends together. My husband sends me letters proving that he is becoming the man I always knew he would be. He loves the Lord now with his whole heart. He's praying all day and doing devotionals and getting fed spiritually. It's what he's needed for so long. He is no longer on any depression medication. His body is recovering and his detoxing time was minimal. My kids are seeing strength in their mother and learning that God never fails us. He is faithful when we are faithful and I would NEVER give up on my husband or Gods promises. I took a vow for better or worse, good times and bad and I stand by him. I'm proud of him. Most people wouldn't or think that they can't overcome addiction. It seems too hard or not worth it. I know all the nights that I cried after an attack from Shawn that Jesus cried with me. He held me when Shawn couldn't. I say couldn't because the man I married would never make me cry, Shawn wasn't himself during this whole thing. He was bound by evil and torment and he was getting to the point that he couldn't love himself or anyone else. It was so sad.

Drug addiction is SUCH a scary thing. I saw things in Shawn's eyes I pray I never see again and he said things I pray I never hear again. Anyone that knows Shawn knows that he wouldn't even smoke weed back in the day but these pills got him. This prescription drug addiction is a huge killer of people all over the world. It's taking our loved ones by storm and it's a creeping addiction. What is used to help now hurts.

Shawn is being stretched and he's learning about Gods love for him. It's beautiful to watch. And I'm learning to lean on the everlasting love of my heavenly Father more and more everyday. I won't worry about the next bill or house payment or where our food comes from because my help comes from the Lord. That feels so safe and good and comforting to me.

 Side note to people reading this- Don't let the devil take anymore from you. He can only take what you give. Stand strong and let God defeat your enemies. He will if you trust Him. It's His time not yours. We all face giants but they are nothing to the God we serve.

I love my husband, more now than ever. He is so strong for seeing this through. Many quit. He's fighting everyday to not come home with me but we both now he's where he needs to be. Prayers are appreciated!! There is going to be such a great testimony that comes from this. By the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of our Testimony WE OVERCOME!!!

Break me...

For about a month now I've been investing some time into South Sudan and what's going on there. My hearts is breaking for those innocent people who are facing genocide and I'm complaining about it being windy. Today I prayed to the Lord "My heart is breaking for them Lord, show me why". I've never had such an urge to want to help people before and it's specific to South Sudan. As I look at the pictures of women who give birth not knowing if they will see their child grow up because of the hunger threat or disease that may overtake them it breaks me. Tribal groups that are trained and armed to go at war (and are already at war) with each other and these innocent Sudan men, women and children are right smack in the middle. People who pray for death to meet them with their last breath because the pain is too much to take. Young toddlers scraping the dust for some kind of food to give them energy to face another day. Fathers who can't do a thing to help his family because he's too weak to move and watches as they wither away with him.

Break my heart Lord for what breaks yours...

When you put your kids to sleep tonight or you sit quietly in your house, say a prayer for those who are burying their kids or cant sleep for fear of death booming over them like thunder. Say a prayer that they find comfort in the midst of a raging war. Pray that God would speak to you on how to move....for them...

'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' "Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You drink? 'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 'And when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' "And the King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' Matthew 25:35-40

When you're finished with God....

I can't get that imagine out of my head...

While at my church's Good Friday event (which was beautiful and intimate) at the end of the service there was a text that came up on the front screen that said something along these lines "Get still and quiet and when you're finished with God you may leave...". Not those exact words but what I do very clearly recall are the words WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED WITH GOD.

**Now let me add a very important note here. I've never attended a more intimate reverenced worship experience at this church yet. They were extremely sensitive to the Holy Spirit and Jesus' crucifixion so to say that they meant anything other than good from this text would be an understatement. But it nonetheless struck a very tender nerve deep in my soul.**

I instantly thought "how often am I finished with you Lord"? How many times during the day do I put my heavenly father second in any situation. I would like to think that my morning "ritual" would define my day and how I rate The Lord in my life. By opening my eyes and before my feet hit the floor this is an example of how I pray...

"Lord I surrender this whole day to you. Let nothing come from my mouth that doesn't first come from your heart. Guard my thoughts. Surround Shawn and the kids with your spirit. May people find favor in them and may mighty angels be dispatched to surround them throughout their day. Go before us and watch behind us. Help me to see you in all I do today. In Jesus Name"

After I have my devotional time I pop up out of bed and get in the shower or whatever and.... and I'm finished with God. Man that makes me swallow a little harder. On my way to work an idiot won't go the speed limit and it makes me so mad! Oh if I only had a train horn or something to scare them out of my way!! <----- this is the same woman who just an hour or so ago was speaking to the most holy God and asking for protection and favor and wisdom and all that. I know that God loves me even when I fail and he doesn't turn away just because I have a "Jodi moment". I know that in those moments He tends to pull a little closer to me and whispers so I have to shut up to hear him and he reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him. I realize in that moment that even though throughout the day I may have times where I may be "finished with God", he's never finished with me...

Father, thank you for your generous never-ending love for me. You show me your mercies are so new every single morning. Your grace is shown in my weakest moments and I couldn't praise you enough for that. Help me to make each day, all day, a day with you involved in all of it. No words could express how grateful I am for what you sent your son to suffer through so I could live this life. My heart is bowed to you in reverence and awe. Thank you for never giving up on me.

The Buffalo, The Cow and The Storms of Colorado

Have you ever been faced with something that seemed so big? A test exam that's coming up? A doctors appointment that you're dreading? A meeting with someone that is long overdue? A bill or financial obligation? You're children moving out, getting married, having babies? Anything can seem so big to the person who is experiencing it themselves. But I would ask one question to that person.....Are you going to be a cow or a buffalo?

I recently found out something very interesting about cows, buffalos and storms in Colorado. When cows sense there is a storm coming from the west, they will run east (if running is what you want to call it), away from the storm. Now it's no shock that cows are not the fastest animals in the kingdom and so the storms eventually catch up to the cows while they are still "running" east. The cows actually end up becoming one with the storm and inevitably prolong the agony and pain of being in the storm. 

 

Us humans do the same thing, huh? We run and cling to the hope that our current skills, knowledge, experience, self will or whatever will outpace the looming and inevitable storm at our back. 

 

Buffalos have an insanely different response to storms. They chill out and wait for the storm to crest over the Rocky Mountains and then they run west INTO the storm. By running towards the storm they run thru it and minimize the time they have to deal with the storm.

 

We don’t get to choose if a storm is going to come or when change will occur. But we do get to choose how we react to storms of change. Change is inevitable but our development thru change must be intentional. 

Now I'm going to type that paragraph above about the buffalos in again and add some little notes to it..

Buffalos have an insanely different response to storms. They chill out (relax, don't stress, trust in the process) and wait for the storm to crest over the Rocky Mountains (wait until they actually see something "bad" coming their way instead of living in fear that there could be a storm and nothing actually happens) and then they run west INTO the storm (they take a deep breath and face their fears). By running towards the storm (or facing the situation) they run thru it and minimize the time they have to deal with the storm (the situation is shortened and therefore less pain and suffering).

God is our guide. With Him all things are possible. If we would only learn to trust in His power more, less things would shake us. Instead of running when the enemy raises his ugly head and being a coward (which I am still on occasion) we can rise up and be a strong and mighty buffalo and shout back at the storm that with God going before us we can conquer giants. 

Praying each person that reads this finds their "buffalo" today in whatever storm they are facing. If I can assist in praying for you, let me know! Leave a comment and I'd love to pray for or with you.

No negative thoughts allowed..

I'm uptight. I'm faultfinding. I'm anxious. I'm unsteady. I'm...... wait! I'm not those things! They may be things I need improvement on or delivery from or whatever but those things do not make me who I am. I am a child of the most high God. I am righteousness. I am loved. I am cherished by my heavenly father. I am Jodi born in WV in 1970something and raised in Indiana... that's who I am.

Do you ever allow your circumstances to dictate who you are? Do you feel angry? Do you feel depressed? Do you feel not good enough? Do you feel like your always right or always wrong? Those feelings are just FEELINGS. They are not who you are. You are not angry you feel angry. You are not depressed you feel depressed. You are not always right you just feel you are...(see how I did that?) :)  We've got to take back our right as children from the royal blood line. We are not a victim of our human genealogy. We need to stop saying "well mom had it so I'll get it" or "3 of my family members deal with that so I'm bound to". We need to start speaking what we want instead of speaking about how we feel. Something like this "Father I thank you that I don't have to worry about the world around me because your Word says that although I am in this world I'm not of this world. Your word promises that you work everything out for good to those whom you love and I know you love me no matter what. Help me to trust you when my faith is failing. Help me to realize that I am powerless without you but because I have your spirit dwelling within me I can rest in that and know that you are for me and not against me. I won't consume my mind with news headlines or facebook posts but instead I will fill my mind and heart with your word and your godly counsel".
It doesn't take much to start the process of change in thoughts, behavior, actions, or words but it does take a lot to continue those behaviors. It's daily...heck it's every second that we need to focus on the good things of this world and of us and those around us.

The next time you hear your inner voice tell you you're nothing or worthless, that you're always stressed or broken, that you can't do this or won't finish that...prove that voice wrong and say the opposite. I am somebody and I am worth something. I don't have to live with stress or brokenness and I can prove that I will do that and finish this. The more you disagree with the negative the easier the positive will become.

Elevation Church - I Will Fight

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This video is exactly what I need to get me motivated each and every day and remind me who I am in Christ. I hope it encourages you too!

waiting on my breakthrough, you waiting too?

I'm hoping I can put into words what has happened to me within the past 24 hours. First I apologize for not posting in so long. My life as you will soon find out has been a little rocky. I vowed not to exploit  my personal life too much so I'll try and keep it vague but real and raw. So let's jump right in...

I met with someone from my church last night because I just needed to talk to someone and express emotions and fears and doubts that I have been struggling with for a very long time. So long in fact that it was starting to change my very character without me even realizing it. It was starting to change my posture and how I walked. My breathing was becoming shallow. I couldn't stop my mind from racing thoughts? (Does this sound familiar to anyone?) There is and has been so much going on that I thought I could handle and I realized last night that I can't. I can't control the what if's. I can't control those things which are uncontrollable. But what I can change is my knowledge of who Jesus is in my life. I can change where I put my trust and in whom I put it. I can decide each morning when I wake up that I'm going to surrender my whole heart and entire day to the Lord and whatever he has for me and trust that he's got it covered.

So back to this meeting. I won't go into detail but when I was finished blabbing about my issues the counselor just simply said she was going to allow the spirit to speak to me through her and man was she spot on! I felt things release from my body and I could breath again. I could take a deep breath without fearing I was going to explode my chest. (Don't laugh it's real when these things happen) I've decided to allow the voice of the Lord to speak louder than all of the other voices in my head. I walked out of that meeting with my head held high. My shoulders were back again and I could breath and take deep breaths. I smiled and it was genuine. I laughed at people's jokes and I even got to sing a little with the worship team (which will be another post in itself). I had breakthrough in that moment and it has changed me. I have hope that my life will be restored to what God intended it to be and how I have been living it wasn't and isn't part of his plan.

and then heres' the ...

I wish I could say that after that spiritual encounter that I'm a changed person and I was healed completely and everything is perfect now but I can't. Just this morning probably 2 hours ago I experienced a severe panic attack. I wasn't sure how to react or what to do. I felt like the air had just been knocked out of my entire soul. I just wanted to leave the office and go pull the covers over my head and sleep it off (like I've done so many times)... but this time was different. This time I said out loud "1 John 4:18 tells me that there is no fear in love and that perfect love cast out fear and Jesus is perfect" and that I shouldn't fear according to Isaiah 41:10 because God is with me. He will strengthen me and help me. He will uphold me in his righteous right hand. James 5:16 reminds me that the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results and the one I loved so much is this " Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? Isaiah 43:19. God is doing a new thing in me!!! In the midst of one of the worst attacks I heard the voice of my Father God above all others. He's working in me to will and to do what he wants!! Of course there is going to be opposition from the enemy. He doesn't want my breakthrough but too bad!! I know God does!
Sometimes people experience their breakthrough right away and some it may take longer. But I'm going to stand on Isaiah 43:19 that promises me that God is doing a new thing! No matter how long it takes I will wait. Strength will rise when I wait on him. Peace will never leave me. God will not forsake me. I could go on and on and on.

I want this to be the beginning of my journey to complete wholeness and newness is Christ. One thing that the counselor said in our meeting is that God is going to show me new things and my relationship with him moving forward is going to be different and I'm ready for different. I'm ready for new. I'm ready for a fresh revelation.

I hope you will follow me on this journey. Pray for me and if you need prayer let me know! I love to pray for people!! I want to see God lifted high in this process and I know he will be. He works everything out for good! His word says so!

**If you struggle with anxiety let me pray for you. I'll put your name on my prayer list and lift you up each day. I vow to do that for you. I know first hand the deep dark places anxiety can take you if you let it. Let's group together and defeat satan and his schemes to overtake God's children with his lies. We are mighty warriors and able to break down strongholds. We just have to come together and believe in each other and win the battle in our minds!!

Jodi Shavon